The Top 5 Indie Games You’ve (n)Ever Played But Should Probably Talk About Extensively At NIGJam
Posted by Mr. Podunkian at 9:46 pm on September 6th, 2008Zombies, pandas, and lists. What do these three things have in common?
Answer: Pretentious indie girls LOVE them.
With NIGJam approaching, there’s no better way to lose your v-card to a hot pretentious indie gamer girl than by pretending to be at the pulse of independent games by namedropping a bunch of the really obscure ones.
As such, memorize this list:
5. Virtual Silence by Virtanen, is a game in which one of the gameplay mechanics is, basically, to ignore your way out of impossible situations. There are three levels, each with a clever puzzle at the end that will test the limits of your ability to both think and ignore things. It never really quite achieved NIGSource status because anyone with the ability to ignore their way past the first level would’ve already ignored their way past the big, blue download link. Indie chicks dig indie guys who are naïve. Practice being that by playing this game.
4. Psychosomnium by cactus is a game that I had to copy and paste the title of because it’s hard to type. Good luck talking about this one in real life. You know how sometimes someone will tell you it’s opposite day, and you have to really think about what you’re going to say in order to make the other person do what you want them to do? That’s the kind of mindset you should bring into Psychosomnium. Forget what you know about winning games, because you will end up losing. If you end up losing only because I told you to win, you are on the right track. These are the kinds of mind games to play on the fairer sex. This is how you will win (the game) by losing (your v-card).
3. Stench Mechanics by cactus is an game piece set in a space ship that’s fueled by a pink gas. You play as a woman named Mary, and you can walk around the space ship naked. When talking about this game be sure to note the issue of sexuality and “pink gas.” Passively joke that the “pink gas” can be seen as a metaphor for girl’s farts — which (and quote this, directly) you’d “always thought was where perfume came from.”
2. Alex Adventure by Alex[andre Szybiak] is the midway point between Cave Story and Knytt Stories, but it is neither game. In fact, it has no story. It is just an adventure for the hell of it. No one really knows about this game, so when she asks you to tell you about it, tell her this: “Well, you basically explore a bunch of interesting worlds inhabited by a bunch of interesting creatures and solve a bunch of interesting puzzles with your gun, the most important of which is ‘how many of these interesting creatures can I kill with my gun.’ The answer: a lot.” Then tell her that you’ve “killed a lot more interesting creatures with my (your) gun (wink at this point)”, and you’ll be golden.
1. Knytt Stories by Nifflas is the epitome of indie gaming. Name drop this. You WILL get laid.
Good luck, have fun, and use protection. If protection is not readily available, pull out and tell her to get ready for a spray of “panda snot.” She’ll love it.
September 7th, 2008 at 12:41 am
psychosomnium:
art as fuck
indie as fuck
September 7th, 2008 at 12:48 am
shit i just downloaded forgotten sky or whatever and that shit doesn’t even run on my 8 year old computer
seriously their site says you need:
ATI Radeon 9600, nVidia GeForce 5700 or better
SO not indie to require that for your shitty 2d indie game
come on who uses micro$oft xna anyways, that shit is not indie
get that shit off this site dude
fuck
September 7th, 2008 at 8:12 am
i dont get it, whats the point of this list? these are all non-new, and pretty well known indie titles…
this is like the top 5 list of indie games that didn’t need to go in another top 5 list…
September 7th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
WOAH doot you indie as fuck
September 7th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
i lol’d.
September 8th, 2008 at 3:22 am
I was using the terms NIGJam and NIGSource weeks before this post (after I had to buy a “waiting list” ticket.) My versions have a slightly different meaning though
.
September 8th, 2008 at 5:40 am
Ainevoltas 2 and Tormishire
September 8th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
i was gonna write about ainevoltas 2 and final vision, but tormishire? wahahah, get out of my house.
October 24th, 2008 at 7:19 am
knytt stories got me laid
i love you podunk
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